Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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