yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
my poor anus
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
