Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
