yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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