one two three fourrrrnication!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
