Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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