but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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