I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
