3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
