oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
