Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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