I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
