We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Houston, we have a blender
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize