i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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