My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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