did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
