He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
