he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
