I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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