I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
