i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
