Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
