covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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