all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
