party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
