I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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