I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
