Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
