New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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