I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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