my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize