I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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