If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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