some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
