I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
