I think im going to throw up on grandma
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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