why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
