The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
