I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
