the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
