I'm going to jail i love you
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
