Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
