We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize