Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
They took my balls.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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