I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
