The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
