I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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