Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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