I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize