stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
