just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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