I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
