Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
