i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize