It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
