3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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