I looked at my own cervix.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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