Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
