my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
