I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize