Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
