fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
