I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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