I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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