i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
