Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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