Soap is not a condiment
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
