We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
